tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3382776884137400610.post6931756921041276031..comments2023-09-28T10:37:10.743-04:00Comments on Depth Deception the Blog: Chapter twoJayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06641691395288365219noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3382776884137400610.post-1318297974597852302007-12-14T00:25:00.000-05:002007-12-14T00:25:00.000-05:00No. Your last critique is especially good. I thi...No. Your last critique is especially good. I think I will make those corrections. Thanks!Jayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06641691395288365219noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3382776884137400610.post-68033192168671757672007-12-13T22:50:00.000-05:002007-12-13T22:50:00.000-05:001. "tubular," maybe I'm too much of an '80s child,...1. "tubular," maybe I'm too much of an '80s child, but to me this is a word that trips me up because I keep wanting to read it as the surfer lingo adjective<BR/><BR/>2. "the body of the ship was wooden" seems very unnecessary to me. You tell me: is it wrong to think (as my brain did) that the sheer mention of a "pirate ship" evokes wood imagery? and that that imagery is cemented in with the description of a rope ladder leading to a crow's nest? and as all wooden boats are handcrafted, I think that the entire sentence could be dropped and we'd lose nothing.<BR/><BR/>3. Different readers will tell you different things, but my vote has always been, "When I'm reading about a kid's observations or thoughts, even if it's from the viewpoint of a 3rd person narrator, I'd prefer words befitting his age." So instead of "Lukas couldn't discern," I'd have opted for "Lukas couldn't tell." A child Lukas's age, in my brain, doesn't discern -- he tells. The verb doesn't fit the age, even though an ageless narrator is the one actually using the words. So ...<BR/><BR/>~Ryan-bastardization~ "Lukas couldn't tell if the ship was new or whether it was left over from the old playground. Either way, it certainly looked fun ..."<BR/><BR/>I dunno. I critique things too much. Ignore me. :pSuiginChouhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00028127203782088732noreply@blogger.com