Sign I've Been Waiting For?

In the haste to clear our dinner table, my father unintentionally placed the Buddha water fountain my brother got for Christmas in front of our manger scene, obstructing the view of little baby Jesus. Now, if I was a superstitious man...

I've talked about it before, and I think it's annoyingly obvious to anyone who reads my blog, but I find myself always teetering on the edge of succumbing to serious piety. I feel a strong religious impulse, but I can find no reasonable avenue for catharsis. A few days ago, I had another small panic attack while I was contemplating my mortality --and what a nice feeling it was as I stepped into the shoes of a truly narcissistic believer for a moment, drank the koolaid, and hoped for immortality! Maybe I should give this whole religion thing the old college try...

Then I turn on the television and land on the history channel which, curiously, features a program on the Bible, the council of Nicaea, and the historical Jesus and I think, "This is all so silly! And painfully transparent, like Joseph Smith and the seer stones or L. Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise! And who is this pale, European, long-haired fellow everyone is worshiping and placing in picture frames? That's not what Jesus looked like! And what does it matter if I believe in Jesus? Isn't it better to exalt what he stood for rather than obsess about how he was born, what magic tricks he performed, and how he died? Do I really have to celebrate a human sacrifice from the bronze age, or is there something more profound? And what's the deal with the Catholic Church? There seems to be a monster hiding in every nook and cranny of that old battleship. Hooray, the Church is responsible for the success of the printing press --but wait, that success was born out of the printing of indulgences, little pieces of paper, Catholic monopoly money, that you could buy to get out of purgatory. Hooray, the Church is charitable and helps the poor --except, the misappropriation of wealth is disgusting (upset about Sarah Palin's clothes? Wait until you get a load of the Pope's gold threaded duds!) and there is something sinister about coercing emaciated children into a belief system with a little food. Hooray, the Church supports science --except, only when it is a means to its own ends at the expense of truth...and so on...

Then I think about the Buddha, about the flexibility of the religion, and the strange Zen koan, "If you see the Buddha, kill the Buddha," and wow, I love that irreverence.

Almost Perfect Christmas

There are two gifts I was looking forward to getting, but despite my family's best efforts, they couldn't find any copies of E. Janet Browne's highly regarded, two volume, 1200+ page biographical tomes on the life of Charles Darwin, Voyaging and The Power of Place.

          

Thankfully, I've still got some Christmas money saved up, so I'll probably order the books off of Amazon sometime in the next few days. If I manage to make it through these two books, I think I will have acquired some level of expertise on the life of our greatest scientist. I've already read two biographies, Darwin's autobiography, a collection of his letters, a dramatization of his correspondence with Asa Gray, On the Origin of Species, and selections from the Descent of Man. Of course, I should probably also have a go at Darwin's original best-seller, Journey of the Beagle and, uh, there is the problem I still have of forming concrete memories of my reading. For example, it's a sad fact that I probably couldn't give you a very accurate estimation of Darwin's birth year and death or the names of his children...stupid brain!

Wind Waker One Man Band

Holy cow. The Legend of Zelda never sounded so good.

Ukulele Get!

Despite the hard times, we had a pretty great Christmas all around. I got a ukulele! Soon I shall be its master...

Except, I'm distracted by the excellent online multiplayer experience of Call of Duty: World at War for the Wii. It's an impressive, fairly full-featured experience that is so far extremely addicting. (Anyone else out there want to exchange some COD friend codes?) Gears of War 2 has also proven to be an entertaining romp, although I can't imagine having as much fun if it weren't for cooperative play with my brother.

Merry Christmas!

Why does Matthew have Jesus riding on two donkeys at the same time? Because he misread Zechariah 9:9 which reads in part, "mounted on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey."

Anyone familiar with Old Testament Hebrew would know that the word translated "and" in this passage does not indicate another animal but is used in the sense of "even" (which is used in many translations) for emphasis. The Old Testament often uses parallel phrases which refer to the same thing for emphasis, but Matthew was evidently not familiar with this usage. Although the result is rather humorous, it is also very revealing.

(source)

Happy Holidays!

Yesterday, A little girl probably no more than 10 years old came into the store with her mother and wished me a Merry Christmas. As she was leaving, she spun around and added, "Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy holidays!" while smiling a toothless smile.

To all those insecure, paranoid social conservatives fantasizing about invisible enemies and a made-up "war on Christmas," I ask you, have you ever heard of anything quite so sweet? My heart was deeply touched.

I'm working this Christmas Eve and on Christmas, so in case I don't get a chance to post it, Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and season's greetings!

Punch to the Gut at Blockbuster

Jay: ...so yeah, I highly recommend King of Kong. It's a really great documentary.

Woman: Okay, great. We love documentaries. Actually, a couple weeks ago we saw Expelled. Did you see that?

Jay: Uh, yeah, I did see that.

Woman: Oh we thought it was just great. Very funny and well done.

Jay (anxiety kicks in): Um, well, yeah, I don't know. I mean, if you do a little, uh, if you like research it...

Woman: Yeah, it's kind of soft science, I know. Then again, so is Darwin.

Jay (queasily): But, uh, I mean if you find out more about it...

Woman: Yeah, I'm actually a science teacher and so is my husband...

JAY'S KNEES BUCKLE and his HEART DROPS. He doesn't know what to say. Should he say he's studied it all through college? No, he's working at Blockbuster now. That sounds retarded.

Jay: Well, okay, cool, have a nice day!

JAY HANDS WOMAN her movie and returns to register. He can't think. He's dizzy and disoriented. What just happened?

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It's all too frequent true-life moments like these that make me think, "Maybe a little anxiety medicine could go a loooonnnggg way."