Well, life has sort of split down the middle. But change is inevitable. A wise, albeit fictional, Chaotician once said, "If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, expands to new territory, and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously."
I'm taking another stab at the old Pet Sitting business. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I'm also considering getting on antidepressants. It's getting to the point where I really need a kick in the pants. And if I can't do it myself, maybe some pharmaceuticals could really help.
Personally, the idea of taking such mind altering drugs really scares me. Despite the fact that I KNOW personalities are fluid, not fixed, and change --and that those changes are fundamentally chemical and electrical --despite all that, I have this fear of losing myself, a fear of looking in the mirror and not recognizing who I am.
But maybe I just need to take the plunge. Or give in and apply to Starbucks.
2 comments:
I think that fear (of losing one's self) is very fair. I have the same fear right now about being put on anti-narcoleptic drugs -- I almost bit off one of my favorite teacher's hands when she suggested looking into a prescription for me.
I don't know why you're depressed (to the extent that you think you need to be medicated), but you must have your reasons. I think you're a swell guy, and I think you probably need to just get out more. Maybe go with Colin to Broad Ripple and/or downtown Indy more. Go to some youth bars and/or just fun hangouts like an arcade or something.
Are you depressed romantically?
Are you depressed about the unfairness/futility/[insert complaint] of life? of mortal life? of human existence?
Are you depressed about unemployment?
Are you depressed about Fuller issues at home?
I dunno what's up, and those are rhetorical questions (I in no way want an answer to something so private; if you need catharsis, I recommend maybe Colin or similarly close friend of yours, or even your dad, dude), but ... I'm sad to hear that somebody else is more depressed than me -- and I see myself as "50-50, very much gray, very much neutral" between elation with life and depression with life. I actually kinda sort of like where I am, though of course it would be better to upswing a bit, lol.
It's definitely important to figure out what the problem is. But, sometimes, there's no good explanation. Things get a little screwy in the brain, with all those synapses and whatnots.
I'm on an SNRI (serotonin neuroreuptake inhibitor), because there's some kind of oopsie going on in my noggin'. Fixes both my social and general anxiety issues, and had I known that was the problem years ago, I probably would have graduated with you guys.
But, starting running also really helped me out. I think it boosted different happy chemicals, and gave me a sense of achievement.
So really, instead of looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself ... With the running and the meds, I look in there and go, "There I am!"
And when that doesn't work, I drink in excess until I fall asleep. =D
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