Thursday, March 5, 2009
All right self, it is time to level.
Every time I am scheduled to open up the store, it requires that I get up at 8 in the morning, so I go to bed at 12 am.
But every time I am scheduled to open the store, I go through a period of manic depression, which consists of panic attacks and suicidal fantasies, insomnia that does not resolve until about 5 or 6am or never, and general anxiety.
I had already promised myself I'd see a physician, but I broke that promise because I finally had a good week. However, I'm afraid the cycle is starting again.
SO LISTEN UP, SELF. I AM MAKING A PROMISE.
Either I make an appointment with a physician OR I put in my two weeks notice OR both.
I am leaning towards putting in my two weeks notice. Because, goddamnit, I want to be a writer. And I thought I could take up a part-time job and write on the side. But I've found that all I do is sleep and work and relax on the two days I get off.
SO THIS IS A DECLARATION OF CHANGE AND A PROMISE TO MYSELF:
I have to hit writing hard. And I'm not going to stop until I come out the other end either as a person who can make a living as a writer, or as some kind of penniless substance abuser staring down the barrel of a shotgun. And while more often than not, those two things are one and the same, I will try my hardest to end as either one or the other.