Saturday, August 16, 2008

August 15: Dissemination of the Immaculate Ejaculate

So apparently, some strange young man decided to park outside Blockbuster, strip his clothes, and masturbate in his car. A concerned woman was so affected that she attempted a citizens arrest by blocking his car with her own and calling the police. The offender managed to escape, but not before the woman could write down the license plate and make of the car. The police later tracked the man down and, presumably, arrested him.

Yeah, that's pretty gross. And if I had kids, maybe I'd be pretty upset. But that woman went through a lot of work wasting her entire night to bring that man to "justice" for exercising a harmless biological function. I mean, I could appreciate calling the police if the man was out in the parking lot, naked, ejaculating on customers...and his ejaculate was poison gas. But as it stands, the whole thing seemed pretty harmless.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, why did that lady have to go and ruin my fun?

...Just kidding!

* in biology, immaculate means unicolor.


fulleju said...


what happened when they finally caught you?

Genesis8 said...

Thats the best. We need more stuff like that in the news

SuiginChou said...

One of the most valuable lessons I learned from Mrs. Grab's econ classes was this: "the purchase is always worth it to the consumer in the moment the transaction is placed." No rational human being (and we are all of us rational in this most-common sense save for the severely mentally handicapped or the clinically insane) would ever pay X dollars for something that he did not think was X dollars. He must think that he is either getting a fair price or that he is himself the beneficiary of a lopsided deal; were he to consider himself the loser, then he would abstain from making the purchase.

The reason this lesson was so powerful is that it doesn't just apply to economic behavior but to all human behavior involving conscious decision-making (which I would call "behavior" :p but I'm aware some would say "behavior" can include physical behaviors, non-willed behaviors, etc).

Long story short, I take issue with your claim that the woman wasted her evening. She may be an asshat, but if she feels that the way she spent her evening was the better off for the decisions she made, then she definitionally did not waste her night -- and it is she and she alone who may make this decision; the rest of us may pass judgment but we cannot authoritatively say, "Man, she wasted her night."

Postscriptural analog: you and the money you've spent on old video games. ;p