Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Bummed Out

I went to my first day of work at Kerasotes Theater on Monday. The work was fairly mild, the people were nice, and besides terrible leg pains after standing for 5 hours, the job was tolerable.

Except the pay is ridiculous. And a few shame-inducing jabs have plunged me into depression. It's tough. On the one hand, I'm doing what I want --I'm pursuing my own projects and experiencing the last few years (months?) that my family will remain at least a shadow of its former self. On the other hand, if you had asked me 8 years ago where I saw myself now, the answer would only underscore the staggering disappointment I have become. And I can no longer tell if my familial love, anxieties and depression are sincere or a cover for ineptitude and laziness.

I'm too attached. That's my problem, I think. Too bad knowing is not enough to break the spell.


que rediculo! said...

why can't it be both?

...but seriously though...

you're alive and you're educated enough to figure things out on your own. those are two huge plusses you've got going for you. so get off of your inept, lazy ass and do something about your staggering disappointment.