Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I went to my first day of work at Kerasotes Theater on Monday. The work was fairly mild, the people were nice, and besides terrible leg pains after standing for 5 hours, the job was tolerable.
Except the pay is ridiculous. And a few shame-inducing jabs have plunged me into depression. It's tough. On the one hand, I'm doing what I want --I'm pursuing my own projects and experiencing the last few years (months?) that my family will remain at least a shadow of its former self. On the other hand, if you had asked me 8 years ago where I saw myself now, the answer would only underscore the staggering disappointment I have become. And I can no longer tell if my familial love, anxieties and depression are sincere or a cover for ineptitude and laziness.
I'm too attached. That's my problem, I think. Too bad knowing is not enough to break the spell.